It's been 9 months since I made my last post!

So much has happened in the last 9 months.

A fog descended upon me and virtually extracted the will I had to communicate. That fog nearly veiled my desire to even continue to live. Not in a way that would cause me to do harm to myself, but in a way that caused me to run the white flag up the pole and surrender. Surrender my life to the changing tides of uncertainty.

Since it's been 9 months between posts I'm loath to draw the analogy of giving birth, but I'd be remiss if I didn't. I'm going to give hope to the purely accidental fact that it did take 9 months for me to begin recovery. And, 9 months is how long it took me to bake each one of my two babies. 9 months seems to be the requisite time it takes me to do anything.

My beautiful daughter Brooke has given birth to her own beautiful daughter she calls Holley Grace. Becoming a Grandmother is partially responsible for some of the fog that descended over my existence. I'd been praying on Sabot that she would find someone to love her for the rest of her days knowing full and well that I would love her for the rest of my days. My days are numbered and with any luck at all would number less than Brooke's. Of course the fact that all of us live with our own allotted number of days doesn't escape me. But, since we don't know those numbers, we hope our allotment passes before our children's. Hope springs eternal. As luck would have it my prayers were answered when Brooke had a daughter of her own. Someone that would love her the rest of her days. Good luck indeed.

In spite of the good luck and the thing that I had been hoping for and praying for did come true a twinge of sorrow fell upon me. What sorrow could come from the good news that I would be a Grandmother, that Brooke would have someone that would love her for the rest of her days? Why in spite of this good news could I become so filled with sorrow? The answer was simple. Brooke would have someone to love more than she loved me. No, that wasn't a selfish thought. I was truly happy beyond words that a new little life would come to add to my own life, a little life to add to my beloved daughter's life, but a life none the less that would take some of the love my daughter had for me and be diverted to this new little life. And, what a little life she is! Holley Grace is magnificent. Had I gone to heaven myself and chosen a life to bestow upon my own daughter I could never have chosen a soul more perfect for all of us. I've had two babies of my own and I can honestly say never before have I seen a baby more perfect.

Holley Grace is 9 months old now. It's time for me to put my feet right and begin the journey of being a full fledged woman. Thank you Brooke, thank you Holley Grace for giving me this freedom to become the finished woman I have always wanted to be. I'm on the path of completion thanks to both of you.